First Day of Kindergarten...Or, Grab the Kleenex

Our baby, five years to the day before starting kindergarten, 9/7/05

Our baby on her first day of kindergarten, 9/7/10...not a baby anymore!

Such a big girl, ready to go with backpack and lunchbox in hand

The day I'd been imagining (and dreading probably more than a little) for years finally came yesterday, when our baby went off to kindergarten! I was looking through old photos a few days ago and realized I had one that was taken exactly five years to the day before Megan started school. How amazing and wonderful have the last five years been for me? It is incredible to think about all the growing, raising, learning, playing, laughing, crying, feeding, nurturing, and love that has occurred over the last five years. And now it's time to send our baby off into the big world! She's so ready....and I'm so not. It's such a bittersweet time, more so for me than any other childhood moment thus far. Gone are the endless days, stretching out ahead with no endpoint in sight, in which we can wake up and say, "What should we do today?", and then do something different the next day, and the day after that. It's almost like by sending her off to kindergarten, I'm giving up her childhood, little by little.

But boy, was she ready! Megan has always loved her school experiences, and looking forward to kindergarten was no different. She was so excited about everything, and had so many questions about what it would be like. Certainly she had some reservations and anxieties ("How will I find the cafeteria?" "How will I know all the kids' names?" "I'll miss you being gone all day!", etc.....which reminded me a lot of my own childhood anxieties about the first day of school!). But Megan's overwhelming attitude was "I can't wait!"

She was so excited to start the day, she woke up at 6:20, about 30-40 minutes ahead of her usual wake up time! From the moment we went in and got her up, she was ready to go, diving headfirst into the new morning routine. When we went outside to take pictures, Megan became pretty impatient, because she could see other kids lining up across the street at the bus stop. Even though it was early yet, she insisted that she be over there, too.

I think one of the hardest things I've ever done as a mother was put my baby on that big yellow school bus and watch it drive away. Megan showed no such qualms, though...she climbed up the bus steps and went to her first row seat without even a glance back at us. I somehow managed to hold it together with the phoniest smile you've ever seen until I was sure the bus was out of sight, then I lost it. I know she'll be fine, I KNOW she will, but it was such a symbolic moment for me....like I have to finally give her up to the world; to let others care for, teach, and influence her; to have her eventually spend more of her waking hours out of our house than in it...and, as it rightfully should be, for her to want it to be so. It's true that God entrusts us with these precious little beings only for awhile, and that we are supposed to let them fly when it's time. But that doesn't make that moment any easier to bear when it comes, whether it's kindergarten or college we're sending our babies off to.

After we watched the bus pull away, Bill, Rachel, and I hopped in the van and headed to school, so we could meet the bus and see Megan safely into her classroom for the first day. She checked in with her teacher and got to work putting away backpack, lunch box, and gym shoes, and sorting the school supplies she had brought into bins. It was time for us to go. I think even Rachel was a bit sad to say goodbye to her big sister. As we left Megan was settling down to look at books at her table.

Before I knew it, it was 4:00, time to meet the bus. Megan came flying off the bus in a whirlwind, a big smile on her face, and a big hug ready for me. She was so excited about her day! I sat her down and made her tell me all about it while I videotaped it, so I could catch that initial excitement for posterity. She seems to really like her teacher, Mrs. Freyling, and was excited to have both art and music class on the first day. She liked the bus ride and also talked importantly about a "meeting" they had with the principal. When I asked her what her favorite things about the day were, she said, "The playground" and "eating lunch at school." She actually seemed to have eaten most of her lunch (I was worried about her dawdling too much and not getting her lunch eaten in the allotted 20 minutes).

I learned even more about her day by listening to her play "school" with Rachel later that afternoon. I was able to learn a lot about Mrs. Freyling's tone and way of interacting with the kids by listening to how Megan acted as the "teacher." Megan had fun telling Rachel all about the rules (a talk I'm sure she heard in her classroom at least once on this first day), and also showing Rachel around the "school." Megan sang a few songs for Rachel that I haven't heard before, so I'm assuming they are songs she learned at school.

Today, the day AFTER the first day of school, Megan was a little disappointed that she didn't get to go to school. She saw the kids across the street, lining up at the bus stop, and wished she was among them. I'll take this as a good sign. School will come again tomorrow, Megan. Let's enjoy this day that we get to spend together. I know I will!

In typical Megan style, she is already teasing us that she isn't really a kindergartner but a first (or sometimes, if the mood strikes her, tenth) grader. Indeed, those days will come and fly by soon enough. Meanwhile, I'm going to enjoy my kindergartner to the fullest. I'm going to savor living life through her eyes, where everything she learns is new and exciting. And I'm going to try to stop tearing up every time I think about losing a little more of her childhood every day. Sniff.