I thought since we are at the cusp of a new year, it would be fun to do a little reflecting on what each of my children are like, at this moment in time. It is so clear to me that time is so fleeting, and it amazes and saddens me, a little, to think about the changes the next year will bring to my sweet little ones. We just got a new computer, and when we loaded all our old photos on it, it told me that I have over 33,000 pictures. (All taken in the last 6 years!) Bill laughs at me, but there's a reason I take so many photos; to try to capture each moment we, and the kids, are in before it's gone. So this blog entry is like a verbal snapshot of each of the kids as they are right now.
Megan - such a typical first child, she's conscientious, responsible, and likes things neat. She often gets frustrated with her little sister for not doing something in just the right way, or for making a mess in the toy room. Megan has an incredible memory, and always has. She remembers things like homework and when her library books are due better than many kids three times her age. She's such a sweetheart, always freely giving with hugs and kisses. She was so kind and concerned about me right after I had Daniel, often sidling up to me with a cuddle and saying things like, "I'm sorry your tummy hurts, Mom." When she gets hurt, a kiss can still make it better. And boy, is she sensitive to emotional hurts! When she is reprimanded, no matter how gently, she almost always bursts into tears and wails, "Sorry, Mama!" It almost breaks my heart and makes me not want to have to scold her! Megan is such a great big sister. Although she and her sister have their fair share of fights over toys and personal space, she shows patience and incredible restraint, for a five year old, in dealing with the strong-willed 3 year old. In fact it is usually Rachel who instigates problems, by refusing to share, hitting Megan, or breaking Megan's heart by telling her, "I don't want to play with you." Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? Megan absolutely loves her little brother and showers him with hugs and kisses. She often remarks about how cute he is and says, "Thank you, Mom, for having a baby." One of her favorite things to do right now is draw pictures, as evidenced by every door and wall in our house, in addition to the refrigerator, which are plastered with artwork. Megan still is a talker, as she has been since she learned how. She loves to come into the room when I have adult friends over and talk their ears off about some toy or something that she's doing in school. One of the most exciting things for Megan right now is that she is really, truly, learning to read! She's able to pick out many words and even tries to read the picture books we get from the library. Her abilities are amazing....at first we thought maybe she was just memorizing things, but she has proven that that is not always the case. Last weekend Bill and I randomly opened her kids' Bible devotional to a few different pages, and she was able to read quite a bit of each story! What do I love most about my big girl right now? I love that she makes these cute little notes and pictures for Bill and I, puts them under our pillows in our bedroom, and comes and tells me, "Don't look under your pillow until you go to bed tonight!" I love that she is so interested in learning and has such curiosity for everything. I love her neurotic, anxious little personality, which causes her to call down to us several times after we put her to bed, "Do I have plenty of time to fall asleep?" and to completely freak out if she thinks we are going to miss the school bus or be late somewhere. (She will ask me, "Are we early, late, or just on time?") I wonder where she gets this from ;) Most of all, I love her innocent five year old sweetness....insisting she's a big girl (or, "I'm almost a grown up," as she said yesterday) but still more than willing to give me hugs and kisses and to unabashedly tell me, "You're the best Mama in the whole world."
Rachel - my spitfire girl. She is so many things, all wrapped into one...stubborn, defiant, independent; sweet, cuddly, and shy. She sometimes says she doesn't want to go to school, and when Daniel first came home from the hospital, she even cried and made a big fuss about it, because she didn't want to miss anything at home. Yet she loves school, and although she is much quieter about it than Megan was, she is still learning and enjoying the friends and teachers she spends time with two times a week. When we drive home from preschool, I try to draw out of her what she did that day, who she played with, whether she read any stories. Her response is often, "I'll talk to you about it at home." And then proceeds to be silent the rest of the car ride home. Sure enough, when we're home, and on the couch of her choosing, she will tell me about it, on her own terms. Rachel, who still has a gate at her bedroom door to keep her in; who after Daniel came home, went through a stint of screaming for Daddy in the middle of the night until he came in and slept with her; who still steadfastly refuses to be potty trained. She just has no desire to do it right now, and despite two (count em, two) times peeing on the potty, and a recent poop on the potty, all to extreme fanfare on our part, fails to grasp why getting out of Pull Ups would have any value to her life. In the last month or so Rachel has stopped napping during the day. Frustrated with the lengthy and OCD-like naptime routine and the length of time it takes her to fall asleep at night when she's taken a nap that day, we finally resorted to letting her look at books during quiet time. As long as she has a large stack of books (and they must be stacked, "in a pile"), and as long as we can successfully locate "the book with the pig," "the red book," "the book with the bellybutton" and other vague descriptors, and as long as none of them have "scary things" in them (like the dark page with peeping eyes in "Good Night Gorilla"), then she's content to stay up there for over an hour and read her books and sing. Recently she's started dragging her bean bag chair over to her dresser, to use as a stool to retrieve things off the dresser. She will also scream for us to come back to her room if something isn't just right (the other night, the bean bag chair had not been put back in its correct location). It's amazing to me how far I can travel in one day, back and forth several times, on the continuum between the extremes of pure exasperation and murderous feelings toward my child, and the deep, unmeasurable love I also feel for her. What do I love most about Rachel right now? I love her big saucer-like blue eyes, that look up at me from underneath shaggy, wild curls when she says, "Sorry, Mama," after some transgression, or after peeing in her Pull Up yet again. Whether she is sincere is questionable, but it still melts my heart and my frustration with her every time. I love the little faces she makes to amuse family and friends, furrowing her brow and squinting, or squeezing all her muscles of her face and hands into a tremorous grimace. How the heck does she know she's so darn cute and funny? I love that while she is fiercely independent about most things ("I do it myself!"), she will still hold her arms up to me to be picked up during the last song at church, and will then cuddle into my neck. I love that she still wants to sit on my lap and read stories with me, and that she prances around in crazy mismatched princess/ballerina paraphernalia, singing and dancing, telling me to call her Rapunzel. I love that she imitates her big sister and asks me how to spell things and then makes little stick-like "letters" to write the words on her artwork. I also love her genuine concern and affection for her little brother, always wanting to kiss him, touch him, and saying repeatedly, "I want to see Daniel." None of her anxiety about being displaced as the baby of the family is taken out in any way on him, for which I am truly grateful.
Daniel - such a special blessing to our family...I still find it hard to believe at times that I am the mother to a little boy, now, too. I can't wait to see what having a son is like, and how he will find his place with his two big sisters as he grows. When Daniel was a few weeks old, we started to worry that he might be colicky, but he seems to have mellowed out again, whether from the Zantac he is on for possible "silent reflux," or from just getting more used to the world around him. When he is awake and alert, which is occurring more frequently now, he loves to stare at the windows in our living room, watching the light come in. He also loves to look at the green and white checkered pattern of the cornice window treatment in that room. Today I brought him into the bathroom and he became immediately transfixed by the lightbulbs in there. I often try to get him to gaze at me, but he'd rather look at the windows and the light instead. He's had a handful of little smiles so far, the first of which I noticed this past Thursday (1/13), directed at---you guessed it---the windows. Daniel loves to be carried around in my Moby Wrap, a front carrier. Nestled into my chest, he will usually quickly fall into a deep sleep. It's a surefire way to calm him down, as well as a great opportunity to get some cuddle time while keeping my arms free to do household chores or activities with the girls. Daniel's starting to make some coos on occasion, making me wonder what he is trying to say. He absolutely hates having his clothes removed and having his diaper changed. His screams of protest are so pitiful...they're heartbreaking but also so cute! Bill and I joke that he often does "the silent scream"...his face will scrunch up in a grimace and he makes a crying face for several seconds before the cry actually comes out. It's actually kind of funny....poor guy! What do I love about Daniel right now? What's not to love about a sweet little baby? I love holding and cuddling him, and if I could help it, I would never put him down all day. I love his baby smells and the softness of his fuzzy little head. I love how he nestles into me, making his little snoring sounds. I love watching him sleep, seeing his eyes roll back in his head, the little fleeting smiles he makes when he's dreaming. I love how he looks around with wide blue eyes. I love his chubby little hand and how it grasps at my shirt when I'm cuddling him. I love that I can predict that when I pat his back after he nurses, he will make a big burp, then a second or two later, will spit up a little. I love how his little feet kick in protest as he screams about the indignity of getting his diapers changed. I love savoring every moment with my last baby.
Well, thanks for sticking with me through all that. As you can probably tell, I write these things more for my kids to read some day, than for any delusion that anyone else will actually care that much to wade through all my random thoughts. But in the event that you find something worthwhile about reading these musings, I hope to be more diligent about providing you with more opportunities to do so this year. Happy New Year!
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